Holiday Gift Guide 2018
by Dead Ends Entertainmenton November 14, 2018
Need some interesting holiday gift ideas? Not sure where to look? Need something stupid for your weird cousin? Need something high-class for your rich aunt? Trying to figure out what items will really "WOW" your significant other without spending too much time thinking about them? No problem. We did it for you. Here's a comprehensive list of the best possible gifts for the 2018 Holiday season, complete with plenty of reasons why they're perfect for that special, or not so special, someone.
1.) "Least Favorite Child" T-Shirt
Everyone knows which sibling is the most forgotten and least respected. Why not spice up the Holidays with a little reminder? Now they can wear their family's true feelings wherever they go!
2.) Rotten Plots
This ridiculous card game is the perfect ice-breaker for any family get together or awkward friends-giving. Ruffle some feathers while you make vulgar movie plots with the ones you love most...or least! For fans of Cards Against Humanity and obscenity in general.
3.) Home State Shirts (Ex: Alaska)
Spread the love this Holiday season with a gift of home state pride. Yes, it's the wrong shape. That's precisely why it's perfect for out of state aunts and uncles who will say "Huh? I don't get it. That's...Florida, isn't it." Envelope them with Holiday cheer and confusion!
4.) "Yes, I'm a Tourist" Hat
Taking the family on vacation this holiday season? Perfect! The "Yes, I'm a Tourist" hat is perfect for weird dads and uncles who still wear their "I Love New York" shirts they bought at a Times Square gift shop in 2003. It's also perfect for irony-obsessed hipsters who simply wish they thirty years older.
5.) "Shitty Thoughts: A Bathroom Journal"
That's right. 128 empty pages just dying to be stuffed full of dumbass ideas. Perfect your your entrepreneurial niece or your psycho uncle who still sends you daily jokes via email. You could even get it for yourself and leave it in the bathroom just to see what your religious-extremist aunt will write!
6.) "This Home is Prison" Wall Art
A statement of despair perfect for displaying in any room. This matte, museum-quality wall art is printed on durable, archival paper that will grab the attention and pity of any house guest and will brighten up the holidays like nothing else!
7.) "Best Fucking Dad Ever" Fishing Hat
This is a fucking no-brainer. Come on. Have a quick laugh with your stubborn father for once. God knows he needs it. Also, be prepared to get a bunch of blurry, zoomed in selfies five months from now when he's on the river "catchin' some big ones."
8.) SketchSquatch: The Essential Sketchbook for the Seasoned Squatcher
Your younger cousin still believes in Santa. Your much older uncle still believes in Bigfoot. This holiday season, give the Squatch hunter of your family the confidence he deserves. This sketchbook serves as a crucial companion for all seriously seasoned squatchers, such as himself. See a squatch? Sketch it out! Show your friends. Convince them all. Truth will prevail! It's a Christmas Miracle!
9.) "Dead Inside" Beanie
This beanie offers unparalleled comfort while promoting your existential dread that seems to always flare up this time of year. Hey bud, If you're feeling it, everyone's feeling it. Help your friend or family member spread some Christmas jeer in style and comfort!
10.) "Buzz Off, Bozo" Bluetooth Speaker
Help your friends keep the holiday hangout thumpin' with this unforgettable 10 Watt Bluetooth Speaker. Lightweight, water-resistant, and ultra portable, the "Buzz Off, Bozo" Speaker will keep up with your friend and his stubborn demeanor, no matter where that asshole of a step dad takes him in the hopes of building a relationship. With a built-in subwoofer and uncompromising sound quality, this speaker will keep the Christmas party going all night long, or at least until 9:00pm when his mother's biggest mistake tries to make you guys go to bed.
11.) "I am Not a Registered Sex Offender" Doormat
Help out your lonely friend this special season by adding some character to their home and some truth to the entryway. This stylish 26" x 18" informative doormat makes notifying Christmas carolers that he's not a registered sex offender as easy as possible!
This doormat is equipped with a felt-like polyester front and a foam rubber back to reduce slipping, protect the floor, and promote awareness of the fact that he's never been, and definitely never will be, a perverted sex criminal.
Aside from being a simply stunning product, this doormat is a convenient reminder to any holiday house guest that they can enter the home, if they wanted to, with absolute certainty that your lonely friend will steer clear of any aggressive perversion, because that's just not his thing!
12.) "Nothing is Possible" Mug (and T-Shirt)
Remember kids: when you put your mind to something, it will still yield absolutely devastating results! This beautiful mug is crafted with 100% honesty. It's perfect for both men and women who fully understand the cataclysmic effects of unwarranted hopefulness and unjustified positivity during the holidays!
- Your divorced aunt
- Failed entrepreneurs
- Any of your relatives living below the poverty line
13.) "Stolen & Loving It" Onesie
This absolutely stunning onesie will make your pregnant cousin cringe, but it will make all your cool cousins laugh. You want to be cool again, don't again?
14.) "A Family That Eats Together, Sleeps Together" Wall Art
A bold statement that's perfect for any kitchen. This matte, museum-quality poster will let your holiday house guests know that you take family matters very seriously...(wink).
15.) "MOIST" Flexfit hat
The holidays are all about moisture. Spread it through the friend group like wildfire...or a disastrous flood. Whatever.
16.) "How to Avoid Speaking to the Person Next to You" Book
This fake book is a perfect beginner's guide for understanding the art of ignoring. It's perfect for waiting rooms, elevators, family reunions, business meetings, general home use, and Christmas mornings! Don't wait! Start ignoring today!
17.) Trash Shirt
This trash shirt is soft, lightweight, and perfect for helping your scumbag friend inform the public sphere of his absolute uselessness. Celebrate your friend's lack of contribution to society in style!
18.) "Yes, There is a Man Hiding Behind This" Shower Curtain
Fear has no borders! These quality shower curtains will add a significantly scary touch to the most intimate room of your weirdest friend's house. This is a perfect gift for horror fans or for people who are constantly at risk of holiday home invasions.
19.) Party Shirt
This is the ONLY shirt your fratty cousin should be wearing while getting drunk off moonshine and blasting Kid Rock at 3:00am in a pole barn in the middle of nowhere.