Dustin Scheller - The Guy We'd All Love to F*ck

by Sam Kubanon July 27, 2017

It's no secret. And there's just no other way to say it. Dustin Scheller is a man we'd all love to fuck.


When someone has a face of an angel and the body of a god, it's impossible for us regular folk to not want a little bit of it. Or all of it...because why not?


5 Reasons Why We'd All Love to Fuck Dustin Scheller:


1.) His Gaze Melts Hearts

We all know the feeling. When Dustin steps into the room and makes eye contact with you, all of your troubles melt away. No more bills. No more kids. No more work. Just Dustin.  It's a manly, comforting connection that makes women weak in the knees and grown men hard as rock. His hypnotizing stare is a gift from the Lord, and we should all abide by the laws of the land and honor Dustin by adorning him with sexual praise.


2.) His Smile Drops Jaws

Sometimes it's difficult to talk to hot people. So when we happen to say something that makes him smile, it shatters our world in the most pleasurable way imaginable. Our jaws drop not just to the floor, but through it. When he's grinning, we all have the same question on our mind. "How can I trick this goddamn gold mine of a man into fucking me?"


3.) His Abs Ruin Marriages

When he tosses off his shirt, we toss off our rings. Because let's face it, marriage is defined by a piece of paper, and sexual enlightenment is defined by the unearthly spectacle that is Dustin Scheller's moist, manly abdomen. We all want to get our grimy little paws on it, but we're all afraid to touch something so beautiful. So chiseled. So poetic. Our calloused, clammy hands are simply not worthy of gliding up and down his smooth, perfectly-defined torso. It's no wonder most of our day is spent thinking about a never-ending, carnal encounter with this sexual hero.


4.) He is Rich

Unbeknownst to most, Dustin Scheller has an estimated net worth of over $705M. After dropping out of high school to become a full-time technological inventor and part-time model, he has single-handedly changed the course of multiple industries, garnering respect and admiration from the world's most respected minds and earth's horniest teens.

When standing on the other side of the street with binoculars, It's not uncommon to see partnership-hungry businessmen and lustful twenty-somethings lined up outside his front door for miles. 


5.) He Smells Like Heaven

Dustin has recently released his own line of cross-gender fragrance called "Dustin The Wind." This fragrance smells of glory, unyielding love, and dense sexual tension. The smell was inspired by human nature and all that we are. By what drives us. By what makes us feel. By what makes us love him.


The band Kansas has released a song in support of the latest "Scheller Scents" commercial fragrance efforts. You can listen to it here:



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