Every title listed below is an absolutely real, traditionally printed "For Dummies" book. We have no idea why these specific guides would ever get any shelf space, but there's apparently a market for them.
We dug carefully through the entire list of 2,432 titles, and these were by far the most interesting. If you're a "dummy" about any topic from "Acne" to "Windows 8.1," you're in luck, because they wrote a lengthy, useless guide book about it!
Acne for Dummies:
Acne used to be a tough problem to pop. Not anymore! Here's a complete guide for understanding when and where it's socially acceptable to squeeze the goop and bacteria out of that cystic red mark on your forehead in public.
Adrenal Fatigue for Dummies
Are your kidneys failing? Don't worry! Ours are too! There are plenty of dummies just like us who have found all the answers they need by consulting this in-depth adrenal fatigue guide instead of going to their trusted general practitioner.
Answering Tough Interview Questions for Dummies
Are you a regular ol' dummy applying for a job with an applicant pool filled with smart people who will almost definitely get the job instead of you? Congrats! Someone has compiled a list of answers to boring questions that you can regurgitate whenever the manager's son asks you why you think you deserve the strip club janitor position.
Atheism for Dummies
Do you need to be told what to believe...or not believe, rather? This is the perfect guide for goths who still go to church.
Baby Names for Dummies
Are you a dumbass getting ready to be a parent? Would you rather have a stranger name your child? Perfect!
Beagles for Dummies
So, you stole a beagle from the back of a Ford F-150 outside the auto repair shop, and you don't know what the hell to do next, right? We've all been there. Here's a helpful guide for figuring out the best way to handle that stranger's pooch.
Become More Mindful for Dummies
Here's a guide that you'll never understand, for obvious reasons.
Being a Great Dad for Dummies
Are you a dumb dad? Great! Can you read? No?
Well, this would have been a great book if literacy wasn't an issue.
Bird Watching for Dummies
You should stop bird watching so that your wife will love you again. You can keep the binoculars though, because you'll need them to spy on your wife and her hot, thick, young lover. Buy this book today!
Building Beehives for Dummies
Are you struggling to make sense of the hundreds of bee stings covering your entire body? Are you trying to figure out what you could have done differently when you threw that honeycomb into a trash bag and shook it violently around your head as you ran naked around your trailer? This is the perfect book for you!
Christmas Cooking for Dummies
Christmas cooking is like regular cooking but with more sprinkles and a lot more attitude from family members who fucking hate your casserole.
Conspiracy Theories & Secret Societies for Dummies
Bigfoot is real. We never landed on the moon. The Loch Ness Monster is alive and well. Craig's mom fucked Skyler's uncle, and the Men in Black are coming to kill you tonight for posting your thoughts on Area 51 in that subreddit. This is will be perfectly suitable as your final reading material!
Dating for Dummies
Helping stupid people fall in love with other stupid people for an uncountable number of years.
Divorce for Dummies
No matter how much you think you love your spouse, the love is unrequited. Now's the time to end it. Not five minutes from now. Right now. Not sure how to up-pop the question? Here's how.
Doing Business in India for Dummies
Thinking of ditching America, buying a one-way ticket to Dubai, starting a Burger King franchise, and staying there forever for no reason? Wonderful. Here's exactly how you do that.
eBay for Seniors for Dummies
Are you a 90-year-old trying to figure out how to sell your used dentures to one of your last remaining high school classmates? Perfect! Try eBay! Get your piece-of-shit grandson to change those Depends and slide you into the computer chair. Let's get this party started!
Existentialism for Dummies
We exist only to read this book. You don't believe us, do you?
Family Reunion Planning Kit for Dummies
REMEMBER: Uncle Randy needs Pabst Blue Ribbon. Cousin Timmy has allergies and asthma. Grandma Irene needs her chili-stained Tupperware back, and aunt Becky is going to bring twelve pounds of pot, like usual.
Silly you! There are so many things you've forgotten! But don't worry. This planning kit will help you get through the reunion with minimal screaming matches.
Ferrets for Dummies
The best guide for making your entire house smell like shit in two days or less.
Flirting for Dummies
Girls love it when you call them fat. Guys love it when you compliment the girth of their father's genitals. You're missing out on so many flirting and dating facts if you don't read this book!
Gardening with Free-Range Chickens for Dummies
This is something every idiot and organic farmer already knows how to do. Unless you've been lying to us this whole time.
Are you even a real free-range chicken farmer, you liar? Are you lying to us, you fucking piece of shit?
Green Smoothies for Dummies
Collect all the colors to be the only person in the world to collect all the colors!
Don't ask why! Read how today!
Hacking for Dummies
Hey! Check it out! Computers are easy! The internet is yours! Hack the world in three easy steps!
1.) Buy a black hoodie
2.) Plug into the internet
3.) Hack! Hack! Hack!
Happiness for Dummies
Doug from Accounting has been dying to get his hands on this book for years! Why don't you go ahead and send him the link?
How to Fix Everything for Dummies
I'm sure you already know all the tricks of the trade, don't you handy boy? Huh? Don't you?
Inventing for Dummies
Inventing is the perfect career path for every idiot. Take a stab at revolutionizing an industry today! If you follow this guide exactly, you'll be creating something innovative and spectacular in seconds!
I.T. Disaster Recovery Planning for Dummies
You seem like you're on the right track to save either the office or the nuclear plant from ultimate devastation.
Life Coaching for Dummies
Dummies can live a fulfilling, happy life too, but only if they read this book and start forcing their friends and family to refer to them as their life coach.
Living with Hepatitis C for Dummies
Instead of consulting a health professional, why not take unsolicited medical advice from a book filled with outdated information?
Making Millions for Dummies
Anyone can make millions in seconds. We did!
We read the first chapter of this book, and now
We're constantly banging all kinds of hot chicks and dudes, and we're doing tons of expensive drugs with Hollywood's most relevant celebrities every single night! C'mon! Join us! It's TOO easy!
The Origins of Tolkien's Middle-earth for Dummies
This book is about Harry Potter.
Pastels for Dummies
Wow! Colors are tough! But not anymore! Isn't that right, big guy? Huh? Isn't that right? Yeah, good boy.
Power Boating for Dummies
Don't let Travis and Z-Bone catch you reading this! You should've known how to rip through the river at full speed while chugging a Miller High Life in your Jeff Foxworthy tank top ten years ago!
Raising Smart Kids for Dummies
Your kids are duds, and all the parents are talking about it. Ouch!
Put the agony to rest by reading this book today!
Retired Racing Greyhounds for Dummies
Finally! Discovering what "retired racing greyhounds" are has never been easier!
Solving Cryptic Crosswords for Dummies
This book was written by Nicolas Cage. This is an absolutely mandatory read if you plan on either tackling that Sunday crossword puzzle or stealing the Declaration of Independence.
Weather for Dummies
It is raining? Is it snowing? It's no longer impossible to know.
This is the perfect book for reading during a blizzard so that you can be 100% sure that it is, in fact, a blizzard.
Windows 8.1 for Seniors for Dummies
Are you too old? Are you still trying to learn things? Why?
If you, for some reason, think we're lying to you about the legitimacy of these titles, check out the full list here and then come back here and try to tell us that we're liars. Because we're not.
While we haven't written any "For Dummies" books, we DID make a card game. Buy it here: