9 Totally NSFW Products We Found in the Rite Aid Online Store That Will Definitely Tickle Your Fancy

by Doug Pattersonon August 22, 2017

We started our trek through the Rite Aid online store already fully aware that it offered a vast selection of health, electronic, and office supplies at an unbeatable price. But as our virtual sexploration intensified, we realized that all the batteries, envelopes, and ink cartridges were merely the components of one big facade. One big mask.  A disguise that prevented the casual consumer from realizing that the Rite Aid online store is actually nothing more than an absolute treasure trove for the sexually depraved and the desperately perverse.

 

How Our Trek Began:


Since we created our own ridiculous card game, we're essentially required to constantly research other new and funny games to compare to and compete with. Throughout some of the more recent research, we discovered that Rite Aid was selling a sex game called "Let's F*ck" through their online store.

We obviously thought this was ridiculous, so we obviously bought it immediately.

Upon delivery, the packaging was different and not as poorly-designed as we had hoped it would be, but we were still pretty jacked to hold it in our grimy little hands. After all, we simply wanted to be able to tell people that we bought it from Rite Aid. That's it. 

 

Now. Desperation is definitely conveyed when you tell someone that you bought a sex game from a convenience store, and the only response you'll ever get is "Are you serious? Why?" But that's exactly the response we wanted. Because now we get to write about it.

The Adventure:

So after we added the game to our cart, we decided to dig a little deeper. Here are 9 more totally NSFW products we found in the Rite Aid online store that will definitely tickle your fancy...among other things:

 

1.)Sasha Grey Pocket Pal

This is a mold of Sasha Grey's vagina. We don't know how they did it, but I guess they did it, and I guess she's cool with it.

It seems as though people who leave reviews about sex products just can't spell. But hey, at least "Law Enforsement" can pound the hell out of a rubber tube with his dick. That's equally impressive, right?

 

2.) Naughty Candy Hearts

Wow! Now you can finally express yourself with text written on the bottom of something you stick in someone else's ass! Inspiring!

This incredible Rite Aid product line has an extensive "Features & Benefits" list, ranging from "Anal" to...well, just anal, I guess.

 

3.) Sta-Erect Spray

We want to be very clear about how much we hate this name.  This product title should have the word "Diquid" in it somewhere, and everyone knows it.

Here's another killer review from "Law Enforsement." As you can see, he struggles with the English language, and apparently, a boatload of other things.

 

4.) Robo Suck 2

What the hell was wrong with Robo Suck 1? Does it have something to do with the "volcanic orgasm" it advertises? That's our best guess.

 

5.) Travel Gripper

This product is perfect for anyone who can't survive a few hours without getting off. If you need sexual gratification no matter where you are, here you go. This Rite Aid best seller is calling your name, and pretty soon you'll be calling out someone else's...on a plane, in the office, at a library, or anywhere else! Go for it! Who cares?! 

 

 6.) Erection Enhancing Lasso

We're pretty sure this doesn't actually have to be labelled as an "Erection Enhancing Lasso." Even if it was just a regular string, the same guys would still tie it around their dicks. Isn't that obvious, Rite Aid?

 

7.) Japanese Rope Handcuffs

Bondage? Now that's a benefit! That's classic Rite Aid for you. #ClassicRiteAid

 

8.) Sex & Mischief Whip & Tickle Black & White

"Here's the Back to School aisle. And if you look to your right, you'll see an extensive collection of Sex & Mischief Whip & Tickle Toys. We like to have fun here at Rite Aid."

 

9.) Tickle His Pickle Book

Something about "red-hot sex" doesn't sound very sexy. But if anyone knows "sexy," it's obviously Rite Aid. So I guess we need to take their word for it. After all, this is a 5-star publication we're talking about here.

.......

So there you go. Are you brave enough to venture down the dark alleyways of the sexual, virtual utopia that is the Rite Aid online store while on the clock? You were brave enough to read this article. What's one more click going to do?

 

 

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