Moist Mentions: McDonald's McGangbang

by Sam Kubanon December 29, 2015
You've had a McChicken, and you've had a McDouble, but have you ever stopped to think, "What if these two fucked?" Well, you aren't alone.
We're all well aware of the classic love story of Romeo and Juliet. But not everyone is equally familiar with the truly incapsulating fuck story that brought forth what most of us will forever refer to as "the McGangBang."

Everyone knows what a McDouble is, and everyone sure-as-hell knows what a McChicken is, but not everyone has had the thought, "What if these two things had passionate and unrestrained sexual intercourse and produced something even better?" Well we have. And we're here to tell you how it all went down when they finally did.

It started in the kitchen.
Two burgers. Hot and Moist. Ready and waiting to be stacked on top of each other and slathered with sauce, just how they like it. As the firm, juicy patties were shoved together, they begged their creator to cover them in mayo, just like how the customer asked.  Then they spotted something fresh. Something juicy. Something they'd love to McDouble-team. It was a McChicken.

But they knew they'd never get the chance to make raucous, sauce-sloshing love with the foreign, flavorful meat, mostly because of McDonald's oppressively strict "Burger on Burger" policy. "Mixing meats is just wrong. They just don't belong together," the manager recited. "We would never put that on the menu," they heard him say to the customer.

So, much to their chagrin, the sandwich and the burger were wrapped up and put in separate bags "like they're supposed to be." They sat idly beneath the fries, wishing they would just have one moment with their dream meat. "Oh well," they thought.

As the McDouble was unveiled, the patties noticed something. They weren't the only item on the tray. They waited with baited breath, dripping with anticipation as the customer unwrapped his other order. It was the McChicken. And it was beautiful. The only thing the patties could think about was smashing it from the top and from the bottom until all their juices spurted out and mixed together. I mean, by the way the McChicken was dressed, it was basically asking for it.

The customer, unwilling to adhere to the iron-fisted regulations McDonald's has set for their meat, smashed the McDouble and the McChicken together. "Fuck yeah," the patties thought as they squashed the meat from both sides. "Fuck yeah," said the chicken as it's juicy insides squirted down the outside of the bottom burger. It was exactly what they had always dreamed of. Exactly what they always wished for. They pounded their dream meat.

And that's how the McChicken got McDouble-teamed and became the McGangbang.
.....


Anyway, we ate it. And it was pretty good. Whatever.

Ingredients:

1 McDouble
1 McChicken
Lots of Hormones

Directions:

Order one McDouble and one McChicken.
Then they fuck.
Then you eat it.

So go try it. And tell them MoistMyTown sent you.
 McDonald's McGangbang:
 MOISTURE RATING: 3.5/5 drops

(It's honestly as moist as a 4 on a good day. But since it's McDonald's, deduct at least half of a drop.)
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