Trends From 2015 That We're Glad Aren't Cool Anymore

by Sam Kubanon January 05, 2016

1.) Throwing Small Dogs From Tall Buildings

Once 2015 came, teens became bored with throwing pennies off skyscrapers, so they swapped the pennies out for something that (kind of) mattered. Before we knew it, hundreds (if not thousands) of Pugs, Shih Tzus, and Pomeranians were being nonchalantly tossed and kicked from the tops of 80-story buildings.
Teens... Am I right?

I think we've all had our fair share of moments this year where we looked away from our phones to realize we just stepped in a goopy, hairy, and messy puddle of Maltese right outside of J.C. Penney. And who hasn't had their brand new boots get stuck in some Dachshund guts on a Macy's sidewalk? Anyway, hopefully we can change the minds of teens this year by introducing something a little less... alive to throw from the tops of these buildings. Or maybe we should tell them to just throw cats. Either way...

On a similar note, J.C. Penney had a record breaking year for shoe sales in 2015. 

2.) Pubic Hair Man Buns

We've all seen the man buns. But how many of you have noticed, as the kids call it, the "extra bulge"? We're of course referring to the stylized balls of carefully groomed pubic hair that men all over the world thought were cool for a full twelve months. Needless to say, this trend has run its course, mostly because no blowjobs were given to the men who had them.
3.) Swastika Forehead Tattoos
Thank God this isn't cool anymore.
4.) Star of David Forehead Tattoos
7.) Pullin' a "Creepy Cosby"
One hot trend this year was to become famous, drug a ton of people, take advantage of them sexually, get caught, subsequently ruin your successful comedy career, and then easily pay off your one million dollar bail with the money you had made making dumb people chuckle because they felt like they were supposed to.
5.) The McTrouble (a McDonald's McDouble with Speed Sprinkled on Top)
These days, it's just as easy to get meth as it is to get a McDouble. So it's no wonder they finally came together this year to cause mass-chaos in the back of McDonald's parking lots. Over three-thousand McTrouble-related deaths were recorded in 2015. According to rumors, if you asked for a "Big McT" at the drive-thru and winked, an employee would meet you by the dumpster with a hefty baggy of "McMeth" to sprinkle on top of your McDouble. According to McDonald's, this offer was only valid at participating locations for a limited time only.
6.) Blind Driving
Texting and driving just wasn't dangerous enough in 2015. Searching for a new, more dangerous way to irresponsibly operate their motor vehicles, teens started driving with a blindfold over their eyes. Many teens across the nation died in 2015 due to Blind Driving, and since then, the world has become a much better place.
8.) Gender Benders

Almost everyone knew someone who did this. If you don't know what a "Gender Bender" is, it's the act of getting in a car wreck with a Prius, being dragged through the legal system for several months entangled in a manslaughter case, spending thousands of dollars on gender transformation surgeries, changing your name to Caitlyn, and then winning the "Woman of the Year" award.
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